Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
