dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
