one might say we're banned from that church
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize