So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
