Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
