it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
