if you like me you must not know who I am
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize