it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
