never play flip cup with pint glasses
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
