he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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