VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
