i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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