You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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