she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
