if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
