I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
