Don't make out with my wife yet
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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