Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
