Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
