It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
