yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
