No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
