I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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