i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
