she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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