I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
