I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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