I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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