It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
