if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
