Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
