i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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