dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
