Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
