with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
