he thought i was a dude.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
