Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
