i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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