I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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