You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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