feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
