If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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