Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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