We need to rekindle our bromance
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
