A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
