found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i will never coherently bang her
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize