If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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