I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize