Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need a beard to bite.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
