if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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