They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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