Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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