I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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