Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
