I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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