My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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