dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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