you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize