Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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