If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
