The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
