Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hippo gnu deer
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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