How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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