im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
