..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
