The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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