I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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