I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
