You're my little dorito
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
