In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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