I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm too high and old for this...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
