hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
