i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
