Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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