i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize