Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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