she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
