Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Damn victory sex feels great
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
