went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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