thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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