Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
