i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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