Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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