i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
