He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
