I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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