I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
