Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
