You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
