I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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