I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
