i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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