i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
