Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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