I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
