Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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