I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
