He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
