She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
