last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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