she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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