Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
